Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
