this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
