sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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