I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
