I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
farters have to be the big spoon...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
