I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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