boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
