and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
