someone threw a dead crab at me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
