All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
