just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
