I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
