Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
there is puke in my bra ... again
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