the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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