It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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