yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I smell like Dick and happiness
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