the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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