My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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