It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
