Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
