I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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