thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
