sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
