hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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