watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
