I wish I could teleport
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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