She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
