Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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