Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
