Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
