I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
