when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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