All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
