Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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