Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
