So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
