I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.