so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.