the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick