how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
