my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.