Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.