things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just pee around me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon