I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick