Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize