I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
