Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
