Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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