This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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