Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
