Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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