She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
