In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
