My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
