so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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