I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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