god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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