i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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