I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just gargled with NyQuil
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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