There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
