1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize