when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
