her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
