Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
