If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
